Personal and Goals – Page 22 – HIKES & HAMSTRINGS

When I Get All Thinky, I Go To The Self-Help Section

So I’m not going to lie: When I get all thinky and stuff, I go to the self-help section at Chapters. I also go to the travel section, but this post isn’t about that. I thoroughly enjoy reading the backs of self-help books, or taking a glance at the contents. Specifically, I enjoy books about positivity, happiness, and achieving goals. Fluffy? Maybe. But I think that the constant bettering of oneself is quite important. Career aspirations and reaching your potential with work are key, but so is being the best you can be, personally. What kind of person do I want to be? Clearly I want to be 100% pure grade-A awesome, and even though I’ve already achieved this, there’s always room for improvement. This takes some thought, as well as action. So I like to work on this aspect of my life too, and self-help books help (which is why they’re called self-help!). During a recent conversation with a friend, she asked: what would you say if you were asked “So, what are you up to?”? I’m sure things like the craziness of work and the stress of school or the planning of a weekend come to mind. But thought of another way: what are you about? what is your purpose right now? What are you doing to go beyond who you are in order to embody the person you want to become? I know, deep right? I should probably read an Eckhart Tolle book, but I haven’t gotten around to it, so back off!

Well, these are a few of the things that have occupied my confused mind since returning from my most recent trip, and unfortunately, these thoughts are sort of in conflict with my 2011 resolution. But hey, sometimes we just think about what we want to do and who we want to be when we grow up, and this is one of those times :S. The truth is, I don’t know the answer to the question “What are you up to?”. She also asked me to create a personal context for myself in 3 words. For example, what kind of person do I want to be at work? Once I come up with 3 words that form a context that I can personify, then others will see me this way as well. The truth is, I don’t know my personal context. I really need to think about these things…! In any case, I love chatting with people about topics like this. Books are great too.

I’ve made attempts to read some self-help books in their entirety. “Excuse Me, Your Life Is Waiting: The Astonishing Power of Feelings” by Lynn Grabhorn is a popular book on The Law of Attraction. Basically, my interpretation is that if you send positive thoughts and energy out into the universe, then by the law of attraction, awesomeness will come back to you. I truly believe this, but even though this book has had a great effect on many people, it didn’t for me, I found it a bit fluffy, and I was never able to finish it. (Note: I don’t know a better word than fluffy at the moment, but you know… Fluffy.) Maybe it’s because it’s called “The Astonishing Power of Feelings”, and people who know me know that I can be a cold-hearted Leo who doesn’t feel feelings anymore. But also I found it a lot of book to say what I just wrote: positivity = awesomeness in return. Ever realize how much energy it takes to be negative? I have, because when I get into the depths of despair, I look in the mirror, slap myself in the face and say “What’s wrong with you?”! That slap takes a lot of energy! Instead, if you cast that positivity line into the sea of life, you’ll get a huge fish of awesomeness in return. And not just one fish on that hook. You’ll get, like, lots of fish.

One book that I managed to complete is “The Happiness Project” by Gretchen Rubin (… it was recommended by my friend Marie, and it’s half of #15 on my 30 before 30 list). If you go to the self-help section, there seems to be many books on this topic- what makes us happy? why do certain things make us happy? what does it mean to be happy? Although I found it difficult to relate to the author at times, it has some great lessons on finding happiness in the day to day. “Travelling the world forever” may make me happy, but it’s not really the reality of my current situation. So what are some things that I can do in my community, in my current situation, that can make me a little more happy? Should I feel guilty about thinking about my happiness when I’m so fortunate and I have so many opportunities available to me? I plan to revisit this book in another post, but one of the big messages I took away from this book is to “Be Rick”. OMG, could that sound cornier? Yes, I’m sure it could, but in this case, all it means is that I need to be true to who I am in my pursuit of being a happier person. And I know we all just want to “Be Rick”, but I’m sorry, you each have your own path to follow.

My last book plug for now was recommended to me by my friend Sony, and it’s called “The Comfort Trap: or, What If You’re Riding a Dead Horse?” by Judith Sills. I’m only about half-way through it, but so far it’s fantastic. This is what’s written on the back of the book:

“Your comfort trap is the familiar, tolerable, but unsatisfying situation you’ve created in your life. It’s the job, the relationship, the bad habit, the friendship that won’t end unless you end it though it drags down your spirit. Clinical psychologist and bestselling author Judith Sills shows you how to propel yourself to change in seven life-changing steps. Sometimes life’s tide does move us forward. This is a book for the times when it doesn’t.”

I love this synopsis for two main reasons. 1) Judith Sills, PhD has a very clear, non-fluffy writing style that allows me to read her book without rolling my eyes at the fluffiness of it all, and 2) The Comfort Trap focuses on the situations that you’ve created in your life, which means you can change it if you want it to change. Sometimes you just need to know when you should raise your hands in the air, proclaim “I’m just done with it!” all dramatically and with a grandiose gesture, and get off that dead horse. I’m sure I’ll be writing more on this book and the words of wisdom I get from it, because you know, I’m all about words of wisdom and encouraging stuff like that and stuff…

And with that eloquent conclusion, I say we all need to be as awesome as we know we can be and take control of our own situations. This requires thought and action while being happy in the moment. There’s a reason why in the mornings when I look at myself in the mirror, I give myself the wink and the gun and say: “Hey! Yeah you!… you’re alright” :). Action = AWESOME!

My “30 before 30” List!

In August 2010, after completing a wonderful three weeks at Epidemiology summer camp in Ann Arbor, Michigan (I know, right? I’m THAT cool…), I found myself back in the Toronto area having dinner with my good friend Marie. It was a beautiful day outside; we were sitting on a patio at some restaurant located at the Harbourfront Centre downtown. It was around the Caribana weekend, and men and women were all dressed in white awaiting the start of their boat cruise where they’d party the night away. There was a light breeze in the air, and a bird flew by. I was oddly subdued and mellow. It was a few days before my 29th birthday.

Marie: “What’s going on with you?”
Me: “Things are going good. I’m good.”
Marie: “You’re so mellow, it’s weird!”

Me: “OMG, woe is me!” [Eye roll; dramatic sigh]. “I just don’t know what to do. I lack direction and need something to help me focus. But what can a humble analyst do?” [Sip my drink… let’s say wine]It’s true. I was looking a bit spacey. I can’t quite recall what I was thinking about, but I want to say that the realization that my month long break from work was coming to an end weighed on my mind, and I would soon return to Calgary, at 29, with a lack of a life plan. I had no S.M.A.R.T. goals (i.e. goals that are specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and timely). I was like a lost puppy, both in terms of cuteness and being lost. The following conversation took place VERBATIM:

Marie: [SLAP] “Snap out of it, man, and pull yourself together!”
Me: “I can’t believe I’m turning 29. It’s that much closer to that age next year.”
Marie: “Eureka! I know EXACTLY what you need to do. You need to create a list. A list of 30 things you want to accomplish before you’re 30. In other words, a “30 before 30″ LIST! My friend Claire has one, and I’ve started one, and it’s the Best. Thing. EVER!”

Okay, so maybe the conversation didn’t go exactly like that. Marie is awesome and not violent, so she wouldn’t have slapped me. Nor would she have used the word “Eureka!”. And I do think we referred to 30 as that year, but it’s really NBD, no big deal, as it’s just a number. But the main point of it all is that I sat there, moved, and lost in thought. Marie was absolutely right!

There are so many things many of us talk about wanting to do… I want to do this, that, and the other…. and sometimes those ‘things’ get lost in our thoughts, we forget about them, or put them off for another rainy or sunny day. Or maybe we just can’t work up the courage to even attempt them in the first place. I definitely have a good collection of these ‘things’.

Taking a helicopter tour over the volcano on the Big Island, Hawaii

So Marie and I began working on my list right then and there, entering items into the Notes application on my iPhone. It was inspiring. One may even call the process epic and awesome. My list would consist of OMG-you-haven’t-done-that items, like trying a gin and tonic, as well as bigger goals, like run a half marathon. Some are not S.M.A.R.T goals, but items to help guide me. And not all of the items are new. Some are things I wanted to make sure I do (again) at some point between list creation in August 2010 and my 30th birthday in August 2011. And if I don’t accomplish them all, I won’t sentence myself to the depths of despair. Like I said, my list is a guide. But it’s true what they say: by writing down these goals, there’s now a greater chance that I’ll complete them. And now I’ve started creating other lists, including my 3 Things Before 32, and my work in progress Things-I-Hope-To-Do-In-My-Lifetime-(Not a Bucket List)-List. What I’m really trying to say is that I’m a nerd, and I like To-Do Lists. So thank you, Marie, for making me start my 30 before 30 List. I dedicate this blog posting to you! And now others like Dan and Beth, with their 101 things to do in 1001 days, continue to inspire me and keep me motivated to accomplish as much as I can in my lifetime. Pure awesomeness indeed :).

The Year of… 2011

Each year my siblings, cousin and I come up with a goal for the new year. It’s not quite a resolution, but more of a reflection on how we think the upcoming year will be, or how we would like it to be. For me…

2011 will be a year of taking control of and enjoying my current situation. It’s all about embracing the phrase: “Yesterday is History, Tomorrow is a Mystery, Today is a Gift, That’s why it’s called the Present”. I feel fortunate to have a great position in Calgary, and one that allows me to have a flexible schedule with generous vacation time. Over the past year, I’ve thought a lot about my next step or move- Another career, moving back to the GTA, or a new overseas experience. Although Calgary may not be ‘my city’, I began to realize that I didn’t do enough to take advantage of the many opportunities available to me, in the city, in the present. I hope to change this by counting my blessings and being more thankful of my current situation.

2010 was a year of being selfish- I focussed on myself by integrating fitness and health into my life (with which I will continue to go hard-core), and I put my well-being and awesomeness first :). This year, I’ll chip away at the black heart that makes up this cold-hearted Leo and just be more open to what’s out there, whether that encompasses friendships, relationships, or new adventures (but hopefully all of the above!).

Like the first and most important of Gretchen Rubin’s Twelve Commandments found in “The Happiness Project”, regardless of what happens in 2011, I’m going to approach this year just being me. Be Rick. I’ll be myself, do the things I like, and try some things I’ve always wanted to try. I hope it will be a good, positive and fun year.

Musical Pitch: Alicia Keys, The Element of Freedom

So I figured that one of the things I’ll blog about is music, and what graces my ears at that point in time. Since I live alone, and have no furniture (or barely any), and the fact that it tends to be really quiet, I pretty much have music going at all times. Or TV. I have a TV.

In general, I’m a huge fan of the divas, especially the black empowering ones. It’s no secret that I’m a huge Beyonce fan. Yes, I flew home to Toronto this past summer just to see her in concert. Yes, I’ve endured countless jokes by my coworkers on my obsession. My boss tried to get my attention once while I had Beyonce’s music blaring in my headphones. Eventually she gave up and told the people she was meeting with ‘Oh, he’s just listening to Beyonce.’ Yes, I have a poster/calendar of her in my office, complete with complimentary Beyonce stickers. So it now comes as no surprise that I’ve always been a fan of Alicia Keys as well. But I’ve now come to love this woman’s music as of her current studio album, The Element of Freedom. She has an amazing gift in her voice, and she’s a great pianist as well- along with her soul and passion, she produces some incredible music. I highly recommend it. On this album, she sings about what one may expect- moving on from a relationship, empowerment, love- but it has a little different of a feel. I can’t quite articulate how I get a different feeling from it, but sometimes that is the great thing about music- it’s all about how one feels when one feels it. Take my word for it though- it’s a great album 🙂

One of my favourite songs on the album is called ‘Wait Till You See My Smile.’ I think it’s good to highlight this song as 2010 begins since it complements the positive thinking and optimistic resolutions that I feel characterize this year for me. ‘Wait Till You See My Smile’ talks about enduring hardship, but standing strong after that experience and coming back in full force; showing the world that you’re ready for it once again… or it better be ready for you :). My favourite line of the song: “‘Cause you’re stronger, and you’re better, and you’re ready for whatever, Sing!” And I like to sing. Sometimes like a diva. And what a positive message to internalize and project. When you’re ready to show your smile, the world will be watching :).

Dear 2010… Welcome!

So I figured that after not blogging for quite some time, I would start getting back into the swing of things. In fact, I remember when I used to do a lot more blogging (while living abroad, for example), that I really felt that typing the words was very therapeutic. Maybe it’s because I have my new MacBook Pro, with the fast sounding ‘clicks’ of the keyboard, that just makes me want to write again. The most significant change to the blog- I’ve changed my blog title to: “SMOKES is OUT and ABOUT!”, for this signifies that things have changed a bit for me personally (not that it ever really changed, but I’m starting this new decade with the support of family and friends :D); I’m proud of the way things have gone up until this point in my life, but I’m ready for a little more that will focus on the personal side; and I am up for the new and exciting opportunities that may present themselves, either here in Calgary, or wherever my travels may take me. Random interruption photo: Me ice skating at the Harbourfront Centre in Toronto on January 2, 2010. This is probably my first really photogenic photo of the new decade, so I feel that it’s appropriate to post it. It was bitterly cold, yes, and although hot chocolate was free, the answer is no, all three of them weren’t for me.

So what does 2010 hold for me? I hope to make new friends and work on the ones I’ve already established. I hope to be a little bit ‘selfish’ in a way, focusing on my health and the opportunities that cross my path. I want to be in control of my finances and more in control of my emotions. I tend to dish some logical black/white advice when need be which can come across as pretty cold-hearted sometimes, lol. It turns out, however, that when the emotional tables are turned, I cannot follow this advice at all! This cold-hearted Leo ain’t so cold-hearted anymore. So although there will be many emotional ups and downs, I hope to embrace those feelings, but remain the optimistic and positive person I try to be, and ride through the turmoil with my head held high barf to the cheese…. But it’s true. And as most years include a trip of some sort, this one is no different, and I hope to take at least one vacation to somewhere new in the coming year.

So in my opinion, this year should shape up to be quite an interesting one. Already starting the year is a brilliant idea entitled ‘theDOTproject’ (see link at the side for my bro’s blog), and my decision to ‘BRING IT’, courtesy of Tony Horton and the P90X Beachbody team. Damn you Tony Horton for making your 90 day boot camp so intense!!!! But hey, no pain, no gain. Barf on the cliche. But if you don’t know me by now, I love my cheese and cliches, and never like to let a good joke die prematurely, WOOT!